Ready for the New Year

Happy New Year, Everyone.

I had planned to post a bit more over the holidays but as it is I am enjoying the extra time with my boys and haven't gotten to the computer very much.

Christmas this year was just so wonderful in our little green house. It was quiet and relaxing and full of sweet little moments. Oliver, who in the past didn't really "get" the part about opening gifts, has started to realize what a wrapped package means. And Santa brought my little guy two special gifts. The first was a coveted Jack-in-the-box. Our neighbor owns one exactly like it and there have been many times when it has been difficult for Oliver to say good-bye to the toy at the end of a visit. The second toy was a top, the kind where you pump the top of it up and down and the bottom part spins. Inside the clear plastic top, a toy train then is propelled around the track, letting out a whistle each time it passes the gate. Having unwrapped these items there wasn't a happier little boy anywhere on this green planet, I'm sure. After so many occassions when I searched and searched for something that might interest him I was delighted to have succeeded. But I very nearly derailed my own delight as the day went on and I realized that playing with these two toys was ALL he was doing. But I took some deep breathes and decided not to worry about it until there was something to worry about. And so far it has all been OK. He has even, on occassion, allowed Sammy to play with each of them.

We have continued to implement the exercises in our HANDLE program and Oliver continues to sleep through the night. Let me just say that again: Oliver is sleeping through the night! May the Gods continue to smile on us!

We are also finding as many ways possible to re-orient our lives according to RDI principles. There is just so much "un-learning" to do! For instance, our ABA lead therapist encouraged us to say: "Take it!" whenever we had something that we wanted to give to Oliver. So now that is what we do. Instinctively. Even Sammy does it. But what is the point of that when nobody outside of our family and his therapists will ever actually say that to him? So now, we might say nothing at all when we offer him something. Or we might say: "Wow! This orange smells good." Or "Let's wear shoes!" or "Ta Da! Your pajamas!!"

I am also trying to find little ways throughout the days when Oliver and I can do something together and to structure the activities in such a way so that he has many, many small successes. And the result? Oliver's willingness to do things with me has blossomed. In the past, anytime I wanted Oliver to do something -- even if it was something I knew he would LOVE to do -- he would take off running in the opposite direction. I spent 90% of my time chasing him down. And I'm not exaggerating. Now, I simply hold my hand out and call his name and then wait. It might take him a minute (or two or three) to disengage but there is no more chasing. And I attribute this to two things: Oliver now trusts that 1) no matter what, we are going to have FUN together; and 2) he will walk away from our activities feeling good about himself. And the best part is that I DO TOO!

I am SO ready for the new year. I am ready to jump into 2007 with both feet. And this year, as opposed to last, I feel so confident that I will hit the ground running.

Who's to Say?

Eight hours in the car is a lot longer than it used to be! Our trip to New Jersey was a whirlwind that I am still trying to process but other than the long ride in car it was all good. Oliver and Sam were a-maz-ing on the ride. Seriously, they did better than I did. I kept whining about how long it was taking. How my legs were falling asleep. How I thought it was only going to take five or six hours. How stressed out I was because you, Nik, drive too close to the next lane. Or because I can see the speedometer and we really don't need to be going that fast! Yeech. How did I get this way??

BUT, our appointment with Judith Bluestone was very interesting. Here's the thing though: I have to kind of suspend my in-grained, culturally-induced belief in the medical model of health, which as we all know has it's problems when it comes to giving us an understanding of something as complex as autism. So that shouldn't be hard, right? I mean this is coming from someone who gave birth at home, far from the reaches of the medical profession. And also from someone who was once "healed" by a kind of "medicine woman." And from someone who keeps a Worry Monkey on her desk. But still, for some reason, I find it difficult to put traditional practices on the same playing field as western medicine. And the HANDLE approach is very much a mixture of many traditional approaches including homeopathy, reflexology and massage. All of them are explained in terms of what we know about the central nervous system and the brain. And all of the recommended exercises aim to get at the causes underlying behaviors. They aim to organize the input that the nervous system and the brain are receiving.

So we now have a list of about 15 different activities, including face tapping and skull tapping, that we do throughout the day in an attempt to help regulate and organize the way Oliver's system deals with various sensory input. I don't know if it is working but it isn't hurting. And here is this: Oliver has slept through the night every night since we started. And once, when he woke at 4am I was resigned to a very early morning until I thought: wait, how about those massages? And I did them. And he fell asleep again within 15 minutes and slept until 8:45 when I finally woke him.

As I say, I am still trying to process it all, but overall I am very optimistic about how this program will work for Oliver. It's a funny world we live in, we know that buildings can make us sick and people who laugh more live longer. So who's to say what good a little face tapping can do?

Making my List; Checking it A Zillion Times. ...

Is this time of the year so busy for everyone? I've got a million lists all over the place and even though I'm crossing things off like crazy I probably won't finish everything when I need to. Ah well! There's nothing to do but sigh and carry on.

So, in keeping with my holiday list-making mania, I am going to throw a bunch of things into one here and call it a post!

1. I did ALL of my shopping this year on-line and I may never go back to shopping in an actual store again. First of all, think of the emotional energy I saved!! Also, I probably saved a bundle on those incidental items that I DIDN'T buy. Plus, it's been like Christmas all month for me as the packages arrive at my doorstep and I open the box to discover what is inside.

2. My children still aren't sleeping. I say children because on the few nights over the last two weeks when Oliver has actually made it through the night, Sammy has woken and demanded "Milk!" over and over again until I think I'm going to scream. I'm trying to night wean him (he's almost two for pete's sake!) but sometimes I'm weak because I just so desparately want to go back to sleep and now it has evolved into a battle of wills. We have stopped giving Oliver both the Melatonin and the Benedryl altogether. Neither one seemed to have any effect so why bother?

3. We are making the LONG drive to NJ tomorrow for our appointment with the HANDLE Institute on Friday. I am looking forward to the appointment -- not the drive -- and the two nights we will spend in the hotel. I know that sounds funny but we REALLY don't get out that much.

4. Last night I was giving the kids a bath and RT was helping. At one point he turned to me and said: "Do autistic kids have trouble making eye contact?" I replied that it was definately a characteristic of many people with autism. Then he said: "Well, Oliver doesn't seem to have that problem." And it is true that Oliver is doing really well in that department since we started RDI. I try not to draw too many of those conclusions because a lot of times I think I see what I WANT to see. But I haven't talked about RDI with RT or with Oliver's regular therapists and everyday lately when I check their daily notes I am thrilled to read comments like: "Great eye contact today!"

5. One thing about the Christmas season that I love and hate is Frosty the Snowman. The video, I mean. You see, Oliver LOVES to watch Frosty. A couple of years ago, before I knew what echolalia was, I thought it was so cute that he went around the house repeating lines from the video. And watching him act out certain scenes over and over again. Well, Oliver still gets so much joy out of watching the video that I don't mind letting him watch it -- sometimes even twice a day! But now - twelve days into December -- we're all developing a bit of echolalia. Two nights ago when Sam fell out of bed I rushed to help him saying: "Oh Sammy, did you fall down?" and he said: "No money! No Ticket!" And Nik, whose first language is NOT English, has developed his own peculiar brand of echolalia and has turned "Look at Frosty Go!" into "Let That Frosty Go!" Of course this is the same guy that went around the house the other night singing: "I shot the Frosty! But I did not shoot the Santa Claus!" There's no telling where this will all lead with another two and a half weeks to go in December.

Laughter Is The Best Medicine

Got any good jokes? If so, send 'em my way; I'm running out.

Three out of four nights this week I've been laying next to Oliver on the floor from about 1:45 until 4:00? 5:00? as he curls around me not sleeping. So, to pass the time and take some of the pressure off I've been telling him (and myself) every silly joke I can think of. It helps I think.

I've been paying very close attention to my boy during those hours and, I could be wrong, but it seems as though he doesn't want to sleep. It looks as though he is struggling to keep his eyes open. Is he afraid to sleep? Is he having nightmares that wake him?

I wish I knew.

Just Medicate Me, Please!

Last Sunday I took Oliver to the grocery store with me as usual and he did fantastic. Until we got to the checkout. We went later in the day than usual and it was really busy and when I tried to get him to help me put the items on the conveyor belt he started to get upset. I was surprised because I thought we had worked through this about a year ago when we made many, many trips to the store for just one thing so that he could quickly see that he always got the item back after we paid for it. So, surprised as I was, I didn't persist in getting him to help me. I switched modes entirely to let's just get this done quickly and get out of here. I switched into emergency mode. But it didn't matter because Oliver also went into full melt-down mode. I could see that people were trying not to look at us. And who knows what was going through the mind of the cashier and the bagger as I threw my credit card at them from where I kneeled on the floor next to Oliver. But when Oliver got up and we both walked out together, I made sure to tell him, loudly, how proud I was of him.

Later in the week Oliver twice went into the bathroom and used it. On his own. Without prompting. We celebrated with cake and ice cream.

Then, on Wednesday, we coincidentally arrived at the park at the same moment as a friend and her children. My friend has a son Oliver's age on the spectrum and I was so happy to run into her because it had been ages since we had time to talk. But watching her son talk and try to play with Oliver and try to get my attention was hard. For the rest of the evening a comment made by one of Oliver's therapists -- about how low-functioning he was -- became an uninvited sound track in my head.

Then I discovered that another mother I know has hired the same RDI consultant to work with her. We talked on the phone for 40 minutes and our mutual excitement and optimism bouyed me. An ally. We're on different ships but in the same deep, dark water. There is no way to describe how reassuring that is.

I often wonder how different my parenting experience is from that of others. I try really hard not to blame everything on the autism. Parenting is just hard. Period. And maybe some of it is MY neurological make up. Maybe the highs of my ups and the lows of my downs are such as they are because of the way I'M wired. I don't guess I'll ever know. But as I look back over my week -- over my year -- I have to wonder if I will ever get back to an even keel.

Do I Have To?

For those who know such things: do I have to switch to Beta Blogger? If I do, will it hurt? Will it REALLY make my life easier?