I slept through the night last night. Without exaggeration I can say that it was the first time in five years! Sam is now night-weaned. This is kind of bittersweet for me. With Oliver we practiced child-led weaning and I thought I would do the same with Sam. But since the only time he wanted to nurse was between the hours of midnight and five a.m., night-weaning him has amounted to weaning altogether. But I was fortunate to be able to nurse both of my kids for more than two years so I'm happy with that. That, and the amount of sleep I got last night. Imagine that I wasn't still tired when the alarm went off this morning! So now does this mean I have to wean myself from my morning espresso? Hmm. I'll have to think about this.
On another note, I happened to find a VHS tape of home movies that we took when Oliver was between nine months and two years. I had completely forgotten about those movies. It captures the progression of his autism in breath-taking fashion. It was like watching the period of his regression in one of those time-lapse movies where everything is sped up. What a very unsettling feeling it was to watch the whole thing unfold on tape. It made my stomach kind of hurt.
I hope everyone has a very good and safe long weekend!
Friday, May 25, 2007
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Circle Time
I haven't been writing much lately. I'm really struggling. I know this will pass but man it really sucks. I've often read that other moms of special needs kids say they become better people because of the challenges that they face with their children. This isn't true for me although I wish it were. Being Oliver's mom makes me want to be a better person. But that isn't the same thing, is it? Being Oliver's mom just seems to magnify my short-comings. It shows me where I need to make improvements to BE a better person but it doesn't make me any more able to make those changes. I often find it ironic that the one critical trait that is so important for being a good mother to Oliver -- patience -- is the one thing that I most need in greater reserves.
Oliver is doing so incredibly well these days and I've said before that I think we are on the right track for him and for our family. I still feel that way. But the thing about RDI is that in order to progress, Oliver needs to be kept right at the edge of his competency. And he needs to have just the right degree of challenge and motivation. So when we start something new it is a delicate balance -- I want him to be challenged and successful -- but if I don't get it right there is a high degree of frustration for everyone. I haven't been getting it right. And the more I don't get it right the more effort it takes for me to want to try again. But the very worst part is that I know this is exactly how Oliver must feel everytime I don't get it right. It is a vicious circle.
Not to end on a completely down note, though: we went for another hike today to the very same place I described in my last post. I took the camera this time and got lots of great pictures. Now if I can only figure out how to download them I will try to post a few. I think I have about 270 pictures on the camera since we bought it in December though so it may take me some time to wade through them.
Oliver is doing so incredibly well these days and I've said before that I think we are on the right track for him and for our family. I still feel that way. But the thing about RDI is that in order to progress, Oliver needs to be kept right at the edge of his competency. And he needs to have just the right degree of challenge and motivation. So when we start something new it is a delicate balance -- I want him to be challenged and successful -- but if I don't get it right there is a high degree of frustration for everyone. I haven't been getting it right. And the more I don't get it right the more effort it takes for me to want to try again. But the very worst part is that I know this is exactly how Oliver must feel everytime I don't get it right. It is a vicious circle.
Not to end on a completely down note, though: we went for another hike today to the very same place I described in my last post. I took the camera this time and got lots of great pictures. Now if I can only figure out how to download them I will try to post a few. I think I have about 270 pictures on the camera since we bought it in December though so it may take me some time to wade through them.
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
My Little Trailblazer
Gosh, there has been so much going on around here over the past week or so that I almost forgot to post about our wonderful hiking adventure last Sunday. One thing about the place where we live is that there are many, many good hiking opportunities within just a short drive from our house. Our favorite hike is one that starts off with a hill that is just littered with large stones. To get to the trailhead you must first hike uphill about a quarter of a mile, making your way by scrambling from stone to stone. It requires a good deal of concentration to pick your way up the hill, deciding as you go which stone to step to next. At the top you again begin a gradual decent towards the stream and once you reach the water you then have to step from stone to stone along the trail that takes you down the middle of the stream. This is pretty challenging but lasts for just a short distance and when you reach the proper trail again, it runs alongside the water where you can then stop and refresh yourself at the most beautiful and serene swimming hole you can imagine. During the peak of the summer the strong of heart can take a plunge in the chest deep, icy cold water. It is a heavenly place. We go to this place several times a year for a bit of respite and a bit of swimming when the weather allows. In the past our hikes have been kind of slow going -- one of us carrying Sammy and the other helping Oliver along and sometimes carrying him as well -- especially when we reach the stream. But this time Oliver managed the whole hike by himself and I was simply glowing with pride. There are not a lot of situations in which Oliver is completey competent on his own, but on Sunday I saw him master that trail. It was wonderful.
On the way up the first part of the trail I hiked parallel to him. At times it was difficult to determine where exactly the trail was going as you have to be able to look forward and see the next opening in the trees while also managing to figure out where to place your next step. On hikes similar to this that I took pre-children I often mused to myself how incredible the brain body connection is. In order to keep your gait kind of steady your eyes must scout the next step and in a split second that information is communicated to your body and without even really "thinking" about it your foot is suddenly there. It is a pretty amazing system really. I thought of this again as I watched Oliver do just that: scan, decide, step, scan, decide, step -- all the while keeping a pretty steady pace.
Then later when we reached the stream I went a step ahead of Oliver and kept hold of his hand when needed so he didn't lose his balance and fall in the water (but each of us did end up with wet feet at one point!). This part was particularly gratifying to me because it demonstrated that we really do have referencing mastered. I say that because we weren't doing an RDI activity. I didn't set out to make this into a referencing exercise. But it ended up that way because when Oliver needed my help he always looked to me for information and it was natural for me not to say anything but rather to look where I thought he should step next. And sometimes he would look at me, I would look at a particular rock he would appraise my directions and choose a different rock instead. This is true dynamic thinking and the ultimate goal of RDI. I have never been more proud of any accomplishment of Oliver's as I was when we reached the end of that part of the trail.
I had been thinking lately of writing a post about how, knock on wood, our bad days seem to be behind us. Taking Oliver just about anywhere has become easy. He rarely has what I would call a melt-down and when he does they aren't of a magnitude anywhere near where they were a year ago. Oliver is mostly just an easy child. He is learning and growing and I really only have positive thoughts about our life these days. Anyway, I thought about this again when we were nearing the end of the trail on Sunday. But then when we got into the car and started to drive away I offered both kids an apple. Sam chose first and apparently that was a big mistake because Oliver proceeded to have an enormous melt-down. I'm not sure if it was because he wanted the red apple, not the green one, or if he just didn't want Sam to have an apple. But it was ugly and every time he calmed himself down a bit he stole a glance at Sam and got all worked up again. You'd think I would know how to handle these situations but I don't do a very good job. So I'm glad I never did write that post about saying good-bye to the bad days but they certainly are much less frequent than they once were. It is a sign of progress in us all.
The other bit of good news that we got last week -- the day after the pre-IEP -- is that Oliver is apparently ready for Stage Three of RDI (in the old system). Stage three is coordinating actions: either doing the same thing at the same time or complementary actions to accomplish one goal. I'm still getting a handle on how to approach this with Oliver. The first couple of activities that we tried were dismal failures!! But still, I am amazed at how much progress we have made in just 16 weeks. We celebrated again with cake, candles, a round of "for he's a jolly good fellow" and sparkling cider in the fancy glasses.
On the way up the first part of the trail I hiked parallel to him. At times it was difficult to determine where exactly the trail was going as you have to be able to look forward and see the next opening in the trees while also managing to figure out where to place your next step. On hikes similar to this that I took pre-children I often mused to myself how incredible the brain body connection is. In order to keep your gait kind of steady your eyes must scout the next step and in a split second that information is communicated to your body and without even really "thinking" about it your foot is suddenly there. It is a pretty amazing system really. I thought of this again as I watched Oliver do just that: scan, decide, step, scan, decide, step -- all the while keeping a pretty steady pace.
Then later when we reached the stream I went a step ahead of Oliver and kept hold of his hand when needed so he didn't lose his balance and fall in the water (but each of us did end up with wet feet at one point!). This part was particularly gratifying to me because it demonstrated that we really do have referencing mastered. I say that because we weren't doing an RDI activity. I didn't set out to make this into a referencing exercise. But it ended up that way because when Oliver needed my help he always looked to me for information and it was natural for me not to say anything but rather to look where I thought he should step next. And sometimes he would look at me, I would look at a particular rock he would appraise my directions and choose a different rock instead. This is true dynamic thinking and the ultimate goal of RDI. I have never been more proud of any accomplishment of Oliver's as I was when we reached the end of that part of the trail.
I had been thinking lately of writing a post about how, knock on wood, our bad days seem to be behind us. Taking Oliver just about anywhere has become easy. He rarely has what I would call a melt-down and when he does they aren't of a magnitude anywhere near where they were a year ago. Oliver is mostly just an easy child. He is learning and growing and I really only have positive thoughts about our life these days. Anyway, I thought about this again when we were nearing the end of the trail on Sunday. But then when we got into the car and started to drive away I offered both kids an apple. Sam chose first and apparently that was a big mistake because Oliver proceeded to have an enormous melt-down. I'm not sure if it was because he wanted the red apple, not the green one, or if he just didn't want Sam to have an apple. But it was ugly and every time he calmed himself down a bit he stole a glance at Sam and got all worked up again. You'd think I would know how to handle these situations but I don't do a very good job. So I'm glad I never did write that post about saying good-bye to the bad days but they certainly are much less frequent than they once were. It is a sign of progress in us all.
The other bit of good news that we got last week -- the day after the pre-IEP -- is that Oliver is apparently ready for Stage Three of RDI (in the old system). Stage three is coordinating actions: either doing the same thing at the same time or complementary actions to accomplish one goal. I'm still getting a handle on how to approach this with Oliver. The first couple of activities that we tried were dismal failures!! But still, I am amazed at how much progress we have made in just 16 weeks. We celebrated again with cake, candles, a round of "for he's a jolly good fellow" and sparkling cider in the fancy glasses.
Monday, May 07, 2007
In the Kitchen
I find myself in the kitchen more frequently than I would like. I remember Home Ec from high school only because I was, at the time, outraged that I had to take it (everyone did). I balanced it by taking drafting, wood shop and machine shop. Let's just say I was not on the academic track :-)
BUT,! I now LOVE spending time in the kitchen when I can prepare marvelous meals for all of the dinner parties on our social calendar (HA!!) but not so much when it is just the day in and day out let's get dinner on the table drill. Nevertheless, I have discovered two products that have become staples in my house: anything from Pataks, which is sold at my local grocery store, and allows me to make a really delicious meal in a half hour!!!! and my new favorite beverage -- Woodchuck Draft Cider -- for after the kidlets have gone to bed.
And things don't get much better than on a night like tonight when I have them both together! Now it occurs to me that it takes so little, really, to make me happy.
BUT,! I now LOVE spending time in the kitchen when I can prepare marvelous meals for all of the dinner parties on our social calendar (HA!!) but not so much when it is just the day in and day out let's get dinner on the table drill. Nevertheless, I have discovered two products that have become staples in my house: anything from Pataks, which is sold at my local grocery store, and allows me to make a really delicious meal in a half hour!!!! and my new favorite beverage -- Woodchuck Draft Cider -- for after the kidlets have gone to bed.
And things don't get much better than on a night like tonight when I have them both together! Now it occurs to me that it takes so little, really, to make me happy.
On Opting Out
OK, it wasn't that long ago that I wrote a post explaining how we had decided to homeschool and honestly, at that point, I was feeling pretty good about it. This is in direct relationship to how compromising on what I thought was right for Oliver had made me feel so bad.
But then we had the pre-IEP meeting where we told the school district that no, we didn't want to send Oliver to school this Fall. I didn't even mention homeschooling, only that we wanted to delay school for another year. And we wanted his in-home services to continue and we wanted funding for our RDI program. To make a long, long story short, they came back and said no twice. If we didn't send Oliver to school we would get nothing. I felt really worried and scared about it for exactly one day. My gut -- and what I know about Oliver -- tells me that we are making the right decision.
But then there is this little voice in my head making itself heard that says: "So, you think you can meet all of Oliver's needs ON YOUR OWN?" I Do, I Do! I keep replying. But even I recognize that the voice in reply doesn't have the strong sound of confidence. So I review the things I know:
1) I know and understand Oliver better than any professional or therapist ever could.
2) Oliver has made more strides in the last six months with RDI than in the past 18 months with ABA.
3) I am buildng a strong support network: I've got friends who are there for me; I've got a virtual cheerleading squad via blogland; I'm finding other local RDI moms who also fit in that first category but bring an extra-special understanding with them; and of course Nik, who makes me feel as though there is nothing I can't accomplish.
And then there is this: I sit on the advisory panel for Special Education in our city and when we met last week the Director presented the proposed budget for the next school year. During this presentation she discussed their plan to put a greater emphasis on the needs of children with autism at the middle school level. She told us how it had been common practice for the district to recommend placement in residential facilities for children with certain behaviors. Now they will try to address those behaviors in other ways. There was actually more to it than that but honestly I stopped listening after she got that far. Seated to the Director's right was the mother of a 17 year old child who was placed in a facility at age 11. Listening to her comments about that experience in repsonse to the Director's plans were wrenching. I almost had to leave the room. "Not my child," I kept thinking. That will not happen to my child.
I can't know what the future holds but I DO know that every day we take steps towards our future. I feel pretty unsure of myself at the moment. I don't know if I'm making the right decisions but I do know that sending Oliver into a school environment at this point would be the wrong decision.
Still, I sure wish there were a "Parenting an ASD Child Decision Making Manual" out there!
But then we had the pre-IEP meeting where we told the school district that no, we didn't want to send Oliver to school this Fall. I didn't even mention homeschooling, only that we wanted to delay school for another year. And we wanted his in-home services to continue and we wanted funding for our RDI program. To make a long, long story short, they came back and said no twice. If we didn't send Oliver to school we would get nothing. I felt really worried and scared about it for exactly one day. My gut -- and what I know about Oliver -- tells me that we are making the right decision.
But then there is this little voice in my head making itself heard that says: "So, you think you can meet all of Oliver's needs ON YOUR OWN?" I Do, I Do! I keep replying. But even I recognize that the voice in reply doesn't have the strong sound of confidence. So I review the things I know:
1) I know and understand Oliver better than any professional or therapist ever could.
2) Oliver has made more strides in the last six months with RDI than in the past 18 months with ABA.
3) I am buildng a strong support network: I've got friends who are there for me; I've got a virtual cheerleading squad via blogland; I'm finding other local RDI moms who also fit in that first category but bring an extra-special understanding with them; and of course Nik, who makes me feel as though there is nothing I can't accomplish.
And then there is this: I sit on the advisory panel for Special Education in our city and when we met last week the Director presented the proposed budget for the next school year. During this presentation she discussed their plan to put a greater emphasis on the needs of children with autism at the middle school level. She told us how it had been common practice for the district to recommend placement in residential facilities for children with certain behaviors. Now they will try to address those behaviors in other ways. There was actually more to it than that but honestly I stopped listening after she got that far. Seated to the Director's right was the mother of a 17 year old child who was placed in a facility at age 11. Listening to her comments about that experience in repsonse to the Director's plans were wrenching. I almost had to leave the room. "Not my child," I kept thinking. That will not happen to my child.
I can't know what the future holds but I DO know that every day we take steps towards our future. I feel pretty unsure of myself at the moment. I don't know if I'm making the right decisions but I do know that sending Oliver into a school environment at this point would be the wrong decision.
Still, I sure wish there were a "Parenting an ASD Child Decision Making Manual" out there!
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Doing RDI
Can I just say that Monday, the one day of Blog silence, nearly killed me. I kept pathetically checking back on my favorite blogs hoping that the author hadn’t heard about it! When I finally gave up the hope I drafted a new post that I planned to get up yesterday but I’m only now getting around to posting it. …
****************
I wanted to post a bit more about RDI and how we make it work for us even amidst all of the other things that we have going on. We really try to keep things pretty simple but when you are talking about a household of 5 people there is invariably a lot of extra “stuff” going on.
I first read about RDI about a year ago and I kind of shelved it before I really understood how it worked. It was appealing to me but it is a parent-led approach and at that point I honestly didn’t think I could handle doing more than I already was doing. BUT, I was interested enough that I came back to it six months later and the second time I’m glad I followed my gut. That’s when I e-mailed ThisMom and said: “Can I do it? Will it work with Oliver?” Her resounding and unequivocal YES!! had me on the phone with a consultant that very day.
Overall, I have to say that “doing” RDI has not been terribly time-consuming or difficult for us. Throughout the week we focus on a particular objective that is designed to address a specific skill that Oliver needs help with. Right now we are working on helping him learn to reference. So over the course of any given day we find opportunities to work on this in just about every interaction we have with him. An example might be when I needed the pencil that was on the floor next to Oliver and I said: “Hey, Oliver! Can you hand me that?” Then I looked purposefully towards the pencil. At first he mistakenly picked up the sock and tried to hand it to me so I shook my head and again looked at the pencil. His gaze went back to the floor where he located the pencil and handed it to me. Another example of how we use referencing in daily activities is when we set the table. I hand him the plates one by one and indicate with a look where I want him to set each of them down on the table. When we first started RDI an activity like this would not have been possible. Not only could he not reference but I could barely sustain his attention for 30 seconds at a time. Now these kinds of interactions might last anywhere from 2-3 minutes to 30 minutes or more. And I am amazed at how many opportunities I find throughout the day to weave in a little bit of RDI work. I look at everything we do and wonder how I can vary it so that he will have to flex the part of his brain that he needs to.
Besides this lifestyle sort of strategy we also set up specific periods of time throughout the week when we have the camera rolling and structure activities designed to demonstrate his proficiency at the skill we are targeting. So this weekend, for example, we made cookies together. I had already mixed everything together and set up two cookie sheets when I invited Oliver to help me and turned the camera on. As I handed Oliver a ball of cookie dough he needed to reference me to figure out where I wanted him to put it. The whole activity only took 4 minutes but he was able to correctly place every single cookie. I try to record one or two of these activities every day and then at the end of the week I’ve got about 15 – 20 minutes of video to send to our consultant and I think it gives a pretty good picture of where he stands at any given time.
The other thing that I love about watching Oliver’s progress through RDI is that as we help him fill in the developmental skills that did not come naturally for him other skills DO fall into place naturally.
Here are a couple of things that I noted in my last e-mail to our consultant:
1) Oliver has surprised me lately by becoming upset whenever I am impatient with him or if I use an angry voice with him. This is totally new because it used to be that it made NO difference if I yelled at him. He just completely ignored it. Or maybe he didn’t understand that I was angry. …. But he sure does now. It astounds me.
2) Oliver has developed a pain threshold. It used to be that Oliver didn’t react much to events that other kids would find painful – but now he cries and comes running for comfort whenever he gets hurt. I guess this is just another element of his emerging self-awareness.
So that’s about it on the RDI front but on a different subject entirely: Oliver has graduated to a two-wheel bike with training wheels!! I wish you could see the look of sheer joy on his face as he cruises up and down the sidewalks in front of our house.
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