10:10 pm and here's my list:
1. Mop kitchen floor to remove sticky residue from 2 quarts of spilled lemonade.
2. clean kitchen, refrigerator and bathrooms
3. finish laundry
4. find luggage
5. find list of things to pack
6. pack
7. figure out the online check-in thingy.
8. sleep?
Nik is at work finishing a few things. I have 6 work-related e-mails to send. And we haven't even begun preparing for our trip tomorrow. Well, the luggage carrier is on the roof of the car and we have a full tank of gas. I guess that counts. But ready or not, by noon tomorrow we hit the road!!
Ciao, everyone!!
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Saturday, July 12, 2008
The other side of it.
A recent post by Mom to JBG made me realize that I don't always write about the things that aren't so great or don't go so well. Partly that's by design and partly it's because there just don't seem to be that many worth mentioning anymore. But just so you don't get the impression that everything around here is rosey all the time, we had a couple of moments today that completely and totally sucked. And do you know what? For about a half hour I was right back there. I was right back in that sad, sad place where I found myself that summer three years ago when we first started thinking about autism. I hate that place. I hate those moments when my son is just so friggin uncomfortable and unhappy, when I feel lost about what to do, and when everyone is looking at us -- even other kids his age and younger -- to figure out why he is crying and so agitated. And I hate looking around and seeing how easy it is for all the other kids and how their parents can just stand back and watch and not have to navigate and intervene. From where I stand, it looks so effortless for them.
We were invited to a lawn party at the church of a good friend. The invitation was extended because every year they put a giant piece of plastic (this thing was probably 20 feet wide and a hundred feet long) on a perfectly sloped piece of land, squirt it with some liquid soap and spray it with water to make one giant slip and slide and my friend thought Oliver would love it. And he did -- although he didn't quite get the idea and kept trying to get up and walk down --- but once at the top again he just could not accept the fact that he had to wait his turn. There were probably only 15 kids and for the most part they really zoomed down the slide so the wait wasn't long -- but he was having none of it. It wasn't ugly. It wasn't a meltdown. It was just boy who was so extremely agitated that it overshadowed any moments of fun that he might have had.
So we left. And it felt like such a huge failure.
Yes, I know: Oliver is doing so incredibly well. It's true. And we did the right thing by recognizing that it wasn't working and getting the hell out. But it still sucks.
It does.
We were invited to a lawn party at the church of a good friend. The invitation was extended because every year they put a giant piece of plastic (this thing was probably 20 feet wide and a hundred feet long) on a perfectly sloped piece of land, squirt it with some liquid soap and spray it with water to make one giant slip and slide and my friend thought Oliver would love it. And he did -- although he didn't quite get the idea and kept trying to get up and walk down --- but once at the top again he just could not accept the fact that he had to wait his turn. There were probably only 15 kids and for the most part they really zoomed down the slide so the wait wasn't long -- but he was having none of it. It wasn't ugly. It wasn't a meltdown. It was just boy who was so extremely agitated that it overshadowed any moments of fun that he might have had.
So we left. And it felt like such a huge failure.
Yes, I know: Oliver is doing so incredibly well. It's true. And we did the right thing by recognizing that it wasn't working and getting the hell out. But it still sucks.
It does.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Progress in Little Measures
Do you have any idea how frequently I try to give Oliver some thing that he doesn't want? Apparently quite a lot. I know this now because of his new favorite phrases: "I don't want that." and also: "I don't want any." And sometimes just: "No thanks." This is all a vast improvement over his previous responses, which were to either jump up and run away from the offending item or to shove it away with a loud "No!'
Oh, and the other day, I also was able to teach him a couple of new phrases that seem to be taking hold. Now, instead of saying: "I want juice!", Oliver will ask: "Can I have juice?" or "Can I have that?" It is just a little thing, but it is so nice that he has a new way of asking for what he wants -- and the fact that it is a question and not a statement just totally makes my day.
Oh, and the other day, I also was able to teach him a couple of new phrases that seem to be taking hold. Now, instead of saying: "I want juice!", Oliver will ask: "Can I have juice?" or "Can I have that?" It is just a little thing, but it is so nice that he has a new way of asking for what he wants -- and the fact that it is a question and not a statement just totally makes my day.
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
Expanding Our Comfort Zone
Our local movie house runs a series of free children's movies in the summer. Today they were showing The Junglebook. I had been showing Sami clips from the movie on YouTube and so Nik thought it would fun if I took both boys there to see the movie. All 78 minutes of it. I wasn't so sure. Oliver doesn't have a long span of attention and he really isn't much into tv or movies lately. But, for Sami, I thought I'd give it a try. Last night I laid awake wondering if maybe I should find someone to go along with us. I was worried that Oliver would want to leave and Sami would be really disappointed. But there really isn't anyone else here who I could get to sit with Sami while I walked around town with Oliver. So on the way to the theatre I explained to Sami that if we needed to leave I would find the movie at a store later and bring it home with him -- or download it from Netflix. He seemed OK with that.
Both boys were super excited to be in the theater and especially liked the big, comfy red chairs that rock a bit back and forth. Oliver sat all the way inside his chair and squished himself between the seat and the back. He also made occasional loud humming noises. But he is really good now at checking himself when he sees me put my finger to my lips to gesture (Shhh). My other mistake was to seat him directly below the stream of projection -- he desperately wanted to touch the particles of light streaming above his head. Luckily he was distracted enough by the movie that he seemed to forget about it after awhile.
But what really surprised me was how long Oliver lasted. We were in there more than 60 minutes and only missed the very end of the show. We went out to the concession stand one time for a little break and I think that helped. Throughout the movie I kept asking him if he wanted to go home and he always responded: "No. Stay here." This alone tickled me to no end. But when he was ready to go he pretty much just stood up and bolted for the door. Actually, he tried to run down the isle but I pushed him for the door, instead -- so maybe he could have watched the whole thing. But the funny thing was that even though it went so well, I was still so stressed out the entire time with the anticipation of things not going well. So after an hour I was more than ready to leave!
The other really nice thing to see was that Oliver really laughed at all the right places. There are some goofy, slapstick kind of things in the movie and he really thought they were funny. I don't think I've ever heard him laugh out loud at a movie before.
Anyway, when we really did have to leave, Sami was fine, Oliver was happy, I felt successful and we still had half a Hershey bar to share in the atrium. We had to wait outside until the film let out though because somehow Oliver managed to lose one of his shoes! I have no idea how that happened but another patron found it and brought it out for us.
I'm so glad we decided to give the movie thing a try. If it weren't for Sami, I probably never would have considered taking Oliver. But I guess it is good to try things outside our comfort zone every now and then.
Both boys were super excited to be in the theater and especially liked the big, comfy red chairs that rock a bit back and forth. Oliver sat all the way inside his chair and squished himself between the seat and the back. He also made occasional loud humming noises. But he is really good now at checking himself when he sees me put my finger to my lips to gesture (Shhh). My other mistake was to seat him directly below the stream of projection -- he desperately wanted to touch the particles of light streaming above his head. Luckily he was distracted enough by the movie that he seemed to forget about it after awhile.
But what really surprised me was how long Oliver lasted. We were in there more than 60 minutes and only missed the very end of the show. We went out to the concession stand one time for a little break and I think that helped. Throughout the movie I kept asking him if he wanted to go home and he always responded: "No. Stay here." This alone tickled me to no end. But when he was ready to go he pretty much just stood up and bolted for the door. Actually, he tried to run down the isle but I pushed him for the door, instead -- so maybe he could have watched the whole thing. But the funny thing was that even though it went so well, I was still so stressed out the entire time with the anticipation of things not going well. So after an hour I was more than ready to leave!
The other really nice thing to see was that Oliver really laughed at all the right places. There are some goofy, slapstick kind of things in the movie and he really thought they were funny. I don't think I've ever heard him laugh out loud at a movie before.
Anyway, when we really did have to leave, Sami was fine, Oliver was happy, I felt successful and we still had half a Hershey bar to share in the atrium. We had to wait outside until the film let out though because somehow Oliver managed to lose one of his shoes! I have no idea how that happened but another patron found it and brought it out for us.
I'm so glad we decided to give the movie thing a try. If it weren't for Sami, I probably never would have considered taking Oliver. But I guess it is good to try things outside our comfort zone every now and then.
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
Chickens, Dogs and Long Summer Nights
We're going through a pretty bad patch right now, sleep-wise, that is. I can't even imagine how I survived all those years of having to get up and go to work in the morning. Now that I'm at home all the time it's much easier. But it's still hard: Oliver doesn't function well, I get dramatically -- dramatically -- pessimistic, none of us has any patience with the other and it feels like we are just putting in time until we can hit the hay again with hopes of a better night. We're leaving for Switzerland next week and that ought to cheer me up, except that I am reminded of the last time when Oliver only slept two full nights over the course of three weeks. I'm trying not to jinx myself by thinking this way, but if any one has ideas on how to ward off evil sleep spirits -- I'm willing to do just about anything at this point. Unless it involves chickens.
I just finished taking care of my neighbor's chickens for a week and I think I'll take my clean brown eggs from the neat container in the refrigerated section of the supermarket from now on thank you very much. For one thing, I don't have the right kind of shoes. For another, well, that shoe thing really just about says it all in my opinion.
And speaking of animals, will someone please, please tell me that it is not a very good idea -- that in fact it is a very big mistake that I will regret for years to come -- for us to adopt a dog for Oliver? Blame it on my lack-of-sleep addled brain, but somehow I got it into my head that it would be fun to start visiting the SPCA with the kids. On our very first visit I fell in love with a five month old beagle/heeler mix and spent more than an hour playing with him in a big field where he chased after both my kids and they fell down and rolled around with delight as he tackled them and licked them like my boys go after those coveted lime Popsicles. My idea was that we would just go in there, pet the animals and go home. But something about seeing Oliver laugh and play and run with this dog opened a little door in my brain. Each time we leave there I think: no! We are not getting a dog. But somehow we keep heading back there and each time I check to see if the little guy has been adopted yet and when he isn't I feel slightly relieved. That's a bad sign, right?
But isn't dog ownership for people with fewer responsibilities? Take the students who live in group houses directly across the street and to the left of us, for instance. They have dogs. And in the evenings when the kids are asleep and I'm at the computer I've taken to watching them as dusk approaches. From this house and that, they mix and mingle on the porches and sidewalks. They hold beer bottles by the neck and their cigarettes glow like fireflies. They laugh deeply in a way that's both familiar and forgotten to me. The sound of car doors punctuate the night long after I've shut down my computer and closed my books.
Other neighbors are annoyed by the presence of the students and at times I have been, too. But this summer I am grateful because they have stirred in me a really sweet sense of nostalgia for a time when I was more like them. For a time when summer nights were just wide open to possibilities and when I put off sleeping for another hour and then just another hour just because I could.
I'm happy with this life but I'm also happy to be reminded of how full and rich my life has already been. So I wonder: when I'm really old (as opposed to now when I just FEEL really old) and I look back on another time of little sleep but lots of learning and growing, what will I be nostalgic for? Whatever it is, I hope I'm appreciating it now in a way that I never did those summer nights twenty years ago.
I just finished taking care of my neighbor's chickens for a week and I think I'll take my clean brown eggs from the neat container in the refrigerated section of the supermarket from now on thank you very much. For one thing, I don't have the right kind of shoes. For another, well, that shoe thing really just about says it all in my opinion.
And speaking of animals, will someone please, please tell me that it is not a very good idea -- that in fact it is a very big mistake that I will regret for years to come -- for us to adopt a dog for Oliver? Blame it on my lack-of-sleep addled brain, but somehow I got it into my head that it would be fun to start visiting the SPCA with the kids. On our very first visit I fell in love with a five month old beagle/heeler mix and spent more than an hour playing with him in a big field where he chased after both my kids and they fell down and rolled around with delight as he tackled them and licked them like my boys go after those coveted lime Popsicles. My idea was that we would just go in there, pet the animals and go home. But something about seeing Oliver laugh and play and run with this dog opened a little door in my brain. Each time we leave there I think: no! We are not getting a dog. But somehow we keep heading back there and each time I check to see if the little guy has been adopted yet and when he isn't I feel slightly relieved. That's a bad sign, right?
But isn't dog ownership for people with fewer responsibilities? Take the students who live in group houses directly across the street and to the left of us, for instance. They have dogs. And in the evenings when the kids are asleep and I'm at the computer I've taken to watching them as dusk approaches. From this house and that, they mix and mingle on the porches and sidewalks. They hold beer bottles by the neck and their cigarettes glow like fireflies. They laugh deeply in a way that's both familiar and forgotten to me. The sound of car doors punctuate the night long after I've shut down my computer and closed my books.
Other neighbors are annoyed by the presence of the students and at times I have been, too. But this summer I am grateful because they have stirred in me a really sweet sense of nostalgia for a time when I was more like them. For a time when summer nights were just wide open to possibilities and when I put off sleeping for another hour and then just another hour just because I could.
I'm happy with this life but I'm also happy to be reminded of how full and rich my life has already been. So I wonder: when I'm really old (as opposed to now when I just FEEL really old) and I look back on another time of little sleep but lots of learning and growing, what will I be nostalgic for? Whatever it is, I hope I'm appreciating it now in a way that I never did those summer nights twenty years ago.
Saturday, July 05, 2008
Friday, July 04, 2008
Independence Day
Have I ever mentioned that I am a bit too over-protective with Oliver? That I'm a little too controlling? A little too watchful? Well, it's true. I know it and yet I can't seem to help it. The problem is that Oliver can, at times, be a bit impulsive. He can just take off quickly and run towards something that catches his eye without a thought to this or that thing that feels like imminent danger to me.
So tonight we walked the two blocks down to Main Street to check out our city's pathetic excuse for a 4th of July parade. OK, all cards on the table here: I have a pretty serious dislike for parades. But honestly, this parade really was about the worst parade I've ever seen. Don't believe me? What city puts their garbage trucks in a parade? Or the bookmobile? Or Joe Bob's roofing contractors? That last was just a beat up old Chevrolet with a hand-made sign on the side. And the sign was made with magic markers for pete's sake. OK, I'm a bit off topic here. And besides, the kids liked the parade. Mostly because they got gobs of candy but oh well.
Anyway, after the parade we decided to walk the length of Main street to check out what else was going on. Our city has a really nice downtown area. The court house sits right in the middle and Main Street detours all the way around it to make a giant public square. There were lots of tents set up with vendors selling one thing or another and tons of people milling around. So Nik and I decided to try a little experiment with our boy. Without holding his hand or saying a word, we walked aimlessly around the festivities. Occasionally we would stop to look at something or talk to someone -- and all the while, Oliver coordinated his actions with ours. And really this shouldn't have surprised me too much -- that's what RDI is all about: teaching kids how to coordinate and synchronize their actions to those of others. Throughout our little experiment tonight we kept a careful watch on him but not once did we have to alert him that we were moving on or that we were changing course. He walked a few feet behind us and sometimes veered around something in the opposite direction, but he always found his way back to us. I was pretty darn impressed, I have to say -- and it also gave me some measure of peace to test how much he is really monitoring us even though it didn't always appear that he was.
I'm still nervous anytime there are cars nearby, but little by little I'm glad to see that Oliver is able to take on a bit more independence. And I'll have to remind myself to give him the freedom to exercise his skills.
Happy Independence Day everyone!!!
So tonight we walked the two blocks down to Main Street to check out our city's pathetic excuse for a 4th of July parade. OK, all cards on the table here: I have a pretty serious dislike for parades. But honestly, this parade really was about the worst parade I've ever seen. Don't believe me? What city puts their garbage trucks in a parade? Or the bookmobile? Or Joe Bob's roofing contractors? That last was just a beat up old Chevrolet with a hand-made sign on the side. And the sign was made with magic markers for pete's sake. OK, I'm a bit off topic here. And besides, the kids liked the parade. Mostly because they got gobs of candy but oh well.
Anyway, after the parade we decided to walk the length of Main street to check out what else was going on. Our city has a really nice downtown area. The court house sits right in the middle and Main Street detours all the way around it to make a giant public square. There were lots of tents set up with vendors selling one thing or another and tons of people milling around. So Nik and I decided to try a little experiment with our boy. Without holding his hand or saying a word, we walked aimlessly around the festivities. Occasionally we would stop to look at something or talk to someone -- and all the while, Oliver coordinated his actions with ours. And really this shouldn't have surprised me too much -- that's what RDI is all about: teaching kids how to coordinate and synchronize their actions to those of others. Throughout our little experiment tonight we kept a careful watch on him but not once did we have to alert him that we were moving on or that we were changing course. He walked a few feet behind us and sometimes veered around something in the opposite direction, but he always found his way back to us. I was pretty darn impressed, I have to say -- and it also gave me some measure of peace to test how much he is really monitoring us even though it didn't always appear that he was.
I'm still nervous anytime there are cars nearby, but little by little I'm glad to see that Oliver is able to take on a bit more independence. And I'll have to remind myself to give him the freedom to exercise his skills.
Happy Independence Day everyone!!!
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
Dear Sir,
I take real exception to the language you used in the opening paragraph of your article about Peter Hotez and his family's experience raising a daughter with autism. I have a six year old son with autism and I would never, in my darkest moments, want to convey to anyone that: "Having a child like [Oliver] is. ... debilitating, dispiriting, demoralizing." Public misconceptions and fear of people with autism is perpetuated by the mass media that insists on characterizing life with autism as Shankar Vedantam did in this article. Furthermore, when a parent first learns his child has autism and searches the internet for information he will be bombarded by what is continually portrayed as a tragedy. In my mind, this is the real tragedy. My son is mostly non-verbal and he struggles with many things in life and probably always will. I can think of many, many words to describe him and our life together but the ones you chose are not among them. Dr. Hotez may be hoping for the day "when the girl comes out of" his daughter. But I am waiting for the day when people begin to see that people with autism can, and do, bring real blessings into the lives of those who love them.
Sincerely,
Me
Sincerely,
Me
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)