I took a two hour long nap today. Yes, I am thankful for that, something that rarely (never) happens. But mostly I am thinking of the wonderful Thanksgiving Day we had and how sometimes change is a very good and needed thing.
Today I served mashed potatoes to about 150 of my neighbors. As the noon hour approached, the seats around the long tables started to fill up. There were more volunteer workers than they could handle but I was happy to roll up my sleeves, tie my apron on and squeeze around the tightly packed dining room ladling out mashed potatoes. Others were moving around in pairs serving the stuffing, green beans, corn, gravy, bread, sweet potatoes, and of course Turkey!!
What I liked best about our Thanksgiving was getting the chance to serve my neighbors. Many came because it was their only chance for a real Thanksgiving meal, but an equal number came to sit side by side and share a community meal that was about more than filling their plates up.
Nik arrived with the boys while I was still serving mashed potatoes and had to wait awhile to find a place to sit. When seats finally started emptying, I sat with them as other volunteers filled our plates up and I felt truly, truly grateful for our family/community meal.
One thing that I don't often hear other bloggers talking about is how the extended family dynamics change when you have a child with autism. Or is this just the case in my family? Family gatherings and family visits are sometimes very difficult because I find that they often just don't "get" Oliver. Or they don't "get" how parenting a child with autism means that the rules sometimes change. Discipline, understanding, expectations, even communication are all affected by the challenges that our kids face. So I haven't looked forward to family holidays for a few years now. Old traditions just don't seem to fit with our life at the moment. Sometimes I'm a bit sad about the whole thing, but today I realized that traditions are there to support us, not the other way around. Today was so successful for us, so wonderfully fulfilling, that it is easy to see that it was the start of a new S. Family tradition.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Monday, November 24, 2008
A list to get me going
I'm out of practice at blogging. I was away for a week at the beginning of November and I just haven't seemed to be able to put two words together since.
So, a list:
1. I have finally given myself permission to let go of the notion that I have to be incorporating academics into our homeschooling curriculum. The hard work of helping Oliver to make discoveries about how relate to the world around him IS our curriculum. I mean, who cares about the ABCs if Oliver can't relate to another living person on this planet in a meaningful way? There will be time for the ABCs later.
2. I'm making a point to spend extra one-on-one time with Sami. I bought him a deck of cards: 52 cool tricks for kids. It has become a focal point of our day. In the morning we lay out all the cards on the floor and then Sami takes his time deciding which one we will do that day. I gather the materials throughout the day and in the evening we perform for Oliver, Nik, RT and anyone else that happens to be around. The look on Sami's face when he executes the trick is just simply priceless. I will try to post a video if I remember.
3. Oliver is now able to tell me when he is hungry, which is an incredible, incredible relief. In the recent past I would say that 9/10ths of his meltdowns were because he was hungry. That boy can eat! I also think he suffers a bit from low blood sugar. Needless to say, when the boy tells me "It's time to eat!" we head immediately for the kitchen.
4. It looks like our local FAPE committee has just approved funding for RDI. I'm still holding my breath, but if it turns out to be true I'm going to be positively giddy -- personally and professionally.
5. Oliver had a solid day of projectile vomiting on Friday. I'm always amused at my reaction during times like this: I'm simultaneously torn between wanting to hold him close and wanting to hold him at arms length. If you are a parent you know what I mean. The upside to the vomiting episode is that I rented a steam cleaner on Saturday and cleaned all of my carpets and upholstered furniture.
6. I made a radical decision about Thanksgiving that was heartily embraced by the rest of the clan. I'm just not going to do it. Or at least I'm not going to do it the way we always have. Instead, we will join our neighbors. A local community organization makes and serves free meals once a week to anyone who needs or wants to eat. They are doing the same to celebrate Thanksgiving. So we are donating our free-range, organic Turkey, I will go and help cook, then Nik and the kids will join me to eat. For the first time in years I am actually looking forward to the holiday.
That is all. Hopefully I'll be back in a blogging state of mind soon.
So, a list:
1. I have finally given myself permission to let go of the notion that I have to be incorporating academics into our homeschooling curriculum. The hard work of helping Oliver to make discoveries about how relate to the world around him IS our curriculum. I mean, who cares about the ABCs if Oliver can't relate to another living person on this planet in a meaningful way? There will be time for the ABCs later.
2. I'm making a point to spend extra one-on-one time with Sami. I bought him a deck of cards: 52 cool tricks for kids. It has become a focal point of our day. In the morning we lay out all the cards on the floor and then Sami takes his time deciding which one we will do that day. I gather the materials throughout the day and in the evening we perform for Oliver, Nik, RT and anyone else that happens to be around. The look on Sami's face when he executes the trick is just simply priceless. I will try to post a video if I remember.
3. Oliver is now able to tell me when he is hungry, which is an incredible, incredible relief. In the recent past I would say that 9/10ths of his meltdowns were because he was hungry. That boy can eat! I also think he suffers a bit from low blood sugar. Needless to say, when the boy tells me "It's time to eat!" we head immediately for the kitchen.
4. It looks like our local FAPE committee has just approved funding for RDI. I'm still holding my breath, but if it turns out to be true I'm going to be positively giddy -- personally and professionally.
5. Oliver had a solid day of projectile vomiting on Friday. I'm always amused at my reaction during times like this: I'm simultaneously torn between wanting to hold him close and wanting to hold him at arms length. If you are a parent you know what I mean. The upside to the vomiting episode is that I rented a steam cleaner on Saturday and cleaned all of my carpets and upholstered furniture.
6. I made a radical decision about Thanksgiving that was heartily embraced by the rest of the clan. I'm just not going to do it. Or at least I'm not going to do it the way we always have. Instead, we will join our neighbors. A local community organization makes and serves free meals once a week to anyone who needs or wants to eat. They are doing the same to celebrate Thanksgiving. So we are donating our free-range, organic Turkey, I will go and help cook, then Nik and the kids will join me to eat. For the first time in years I am actually looking forward to the holiday.
That is all. Hopefully I'll be back in a blogging state of mind soon.
Sunday, November 02, 2008
Finally
I'm 39 years old and I finally know what it would feel like to be the most popular girl in High School. You see, I live in Virginia, a swing state. Today our phone rang no less than four times, the caller checking to see if we were going to make it to the polls on Tuesday. Twice we answered knocks on our door. Are you going to vote? Do you know where your polling station is? Do you need a ride?
Under other circumstances I would be a bit annoyed. Now I'm just amazed and excited that so many people are interested and involved. Two thirds of the houses on my street are sporting political signs -- and only one of them reads McCain. It feels like a giant party.
I'm also a bit a bit sad that I'll miss the action on Election day. I voted two weeks ago.
But you'd better believe that I'll be celebrating on Tuesday evening!
Under other circumstances I would be a bit annoyed. Now I'm just amazed and excited that so many people are interested and involved. Two thirds of the houses on my street are sporting political signs -- and only one of them reads McCain. It feels like a giant party.
I'm also a bit a bit sad that I'll miss the action on Election day. I voted two weeks ago.
But you'd better believe that I'll be celebrating on Tuesday evening!
Saturday, November 01, 2008
A Separate Peace
I was a terrible mother today.
You know I love Oliver, right? I mean the kid is wonderful. And I certainly don't know how he can keep being so smiley and happy when his mother is not such a pleasure to be around sometimes. But here's the thing: Oliver makes lots of vocal noises. And sometimes he does it more than others. And sometimes it just feels so. very. extreme. And I can't take it. So I tell him to knock it off even though I know that he is doing it for some sensory reason that is necessary at the moment. Even though I know telling him to knock it off won't really help because he can't knock it off. Still. It drives me crazy. There is no way of getting around it. I get impatient. And frustrated. Then angry. And then I just have to not be around him for awhile.
I have sister who must have noise going on around her at all times. Seriously. The TV is always on at her house even if no one is watching it. She even sleeps with the TV on. But I'm not like that. Noise gets to me. The first thing I do when I walk into my sister's house is turn the tv off. She waits till I turn around and turns it back on. We don't visit much. I need the quiet. Too much commotion, too much noise and I don't cope well. So here you have a woman who requires calm, peaceful, quiet to relax and she just happens to have son who cannot sit still most of the time. A son who balances precariously on the edge of furniture. And a son who is always on at a low hum, sometimes louder.
I suspect that there is nothing to be done about this. Oliver and I will always have this struggle because what we need to feel at peace is at odds. And luckily, for me, the intensity of his sound track ebbs and flows. I used to think that my greatest challenge as Oliver's mother was patience. I am not a patient person. But one can learn patience. I am learning patience. This other thing though? The learning curve just seems a little steeper.
You know I love Oliver, right? I mean the kid is wonderful. And I certainly don't know how he can keep being so smiley and happy when his mother is not such a pleasure to be around sometimes. But here's the thing: Oliver makes lots of vocal noises. And sometimes he does it more than others. And sometimes it just feels so. very. extreme. And I can't take it. So I tell him to knock it off even though I know that he is doing it for some sensory reason that is necessary at the moment. Even though I know telling him to knock it off won't really help because he can't knock it off. Still. It drives me crazy. There is no way of getting around it. I get impatient. And frustrated. Then angry. And then I just have to not be around him for awhile.
I have sister who must have noise going on around her at all times. Seriously. The TV is always on at her house even if no one is watching it. She even sleeps with the TV on. But I'm not like that. Noise gets to me. The first thing I do when I walk into my sister's house is turn the tv off. She waits till I turn around and turns it back on. We don't visit much. I need the quiet. Too much commotion, too much noise and I don't cope well. So here you have a woman who requires calm, peaceful, quiet to relax and she just happens to have son who cannot sit still most of the time. A son who balances precariously on the edge of furniture. And a son who is always on at a low hum, sometimes louder.
I suspect that there is nothing to be done about this. Oliver and I will always have this struggle because what we need to feel at peace is at odds. And luckily, for me, the intensity of his sound track ebbs and flows. I used to think that my greatest challenge as Oliver's mother was patience. I am not a patient person. But one can learn patience. I am learning patience. This other thing though? The learning curve just seems a little steeper.
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