Of all the decisions I've had to make since Autism the hardest, by far, doesn't even have to do with Oliver. And it is a decision I have to revisit every three months. The decision to vaccinate my Sammy is so hard that I usually choose to just ignore it altogether, keeping him warm and safe in the cocoon of our little green house and trying not to think of all the germs that are just outside those walls plotting how to get at his tiny little immune system. So, call me an ostrich if you must but this is one decision that, for the moment, is being made by default.
Today I am taking him- one month late because I couldn't face it a month ago - to the peds office for his "well baby" visit. My last visit there left me feeling slightly bruised and I almost decided to quit going altogether. Really, the "visits" are just an exercise of me forking over $35 for the jab of the needle. Without the needle do I really need to spend $35 for them to tell me that he is growing and gaining as he should be? But I don't want to go to the place where bad mothers go when they die so I will take him and pay the $35 and consider myself lucky that I get some benefit out of our insurance.
Wish me luck.