I haven't been writing much lately. I'm really struggling. I know this will pass but man it really sucks. I've often read that other moms of special needs kids say they become better people because of the challenges that they face with their children. This isn't true for me although I wish it were. Being Oliver's mom makes me want to be a better person. But that isn't the same thing, is it? Being Oliver's mom just seems to magnify my short-comings. It shows me where I need to make improvements to BE a better person but it doesn't make me any more able to make those changes. I often find it ironic that the one critical trait that is so important for being a good mother to Oliver -- patience -- is the one thing that I most need in greater reserves.
Oliver is doing so incredibly well these days and I've said before that I think we are on the right track for him and for our family. I still feel that way. But the thing about RDI is that in order to progress, Oliver needs to be kept right at the edge of his competency. And he needs to have just the right degree of challenge and motivation. So when we start something new it is a delicate balance -- I want him to be challenged and successful -- but if I don't get it right there is a high degree of frustration for everyone. I haven't been getting it right. And the more I don't get it right the more effort it takes for me to want to try again. But the very worst part is that I know this is exactly how Oliver must feel everytime I don't get it right. It is a vicious circle.
Not to end on a completely down note, though: we went for another hike today to the very same place I described in my last post. I took the camera this time and got lots of great pictures. Now if I can only figure out how to download them I will try to post a few. I think I have about 270 pictures on the camera since we bought it in December though so it may take me some time to wade through them.