I'm Not Superstitious But. ...

I haven't posted in awhile because I didn't want to follow my last two posts with another downer. But if bad things really do happen in threes then hopefully we are about done with it. So I might as well just post and get it over with so I can clear my psychic space to get ready for all the good stuff that is hopefully out there at this moment looking for a place to land.

First, a close member of my extended family left us a note. The kind of note that, let me say, you never, ever want to find. There is a lot that can be said about this, but to respect that person's privacy, I won't say any of it. In the end I am just extremely thankful that I can still express my love to this person. This whole episode also opened my eyes to how extremely important it is for all of us to feel accepted for who we are to be able to feel secure that we have a place in this world. For as long as I can remember this particular member of my family has struggled with the challenges that come from being different. It caused me to really take a long hard look at the messages that I knowingly and unknowingly send to my children. And most especially to Oliver.

Next, Oliver became ill. It was just a fever but it lasted 7 days. He didn't eat, he woke frequently in the night, he refused to budge from the couch during the day and he became easily frustrated with my attempts to take care of him. It was this last that was the hardest. He struggled so hard to communicate with me and I just didn't understand what he was saying. He made the same requests over and over again, first taking my hand and drawing me down to him then saying the same words again that I didn't understand while pushing my hand away as if to say: "Now go do it." And of course when I couldn't do it because I didn't understand he would grow more and more frustrated. By the time Nik got home from work each day I was such a wreck that I had to leave to take a walk just to keep myself from completely crumbling. On the one hand it really seemed that Oliver has been/is trying to communicate more persistenly, so I should be happy about that, right? But it is still very hard to watch him struggle so much to make himself understood and then fail every single time. And as a mother I guess I feel like I should be able to fix what needs to be fixed but with this I don't even know where to start.

There is a third thing completing my string of bad luck but I'm not even sure how to post about it without invading the privacy of others. So I'll just say this: our family of five is under threat to become just a family of four. I don't necessarily believe that it will happen; it will involve a battle that will probably leave us exactly where we are now only with less money in the bank! It just totally sucks.

So there you go. The times haven't been so good in our little green house but I think we are on the road to better times. Still, if you have positive energy to spare we could use every little bit of it over here that we can get!

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ps: I STILL can't figure out how to get the pictures off of the memory card on my video camera. I have no trouble downloading the videos but can't seem to access the card! I'm such a bonehead when it comes to technology!