Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Just So Happy

I must have said these words to Nik a dozen times or so lately.

I'm just so happy.

I wasn't so sure after returning from Houston. I felt nervous. Anxious. Stressed out. All in a very general way. And I suppose it was very natural -- Big Changes were afoot. But then I started digging in and doing what needed to be done and before long I was coming up to the surface for long gulps of cool, satisfying air. Slowly but surely I'm shedding the stress of my soon-to-be former job and I'm circling the wagons around what is most important to me: my family.

The most immediate improvement is my sense of rhythm. Not in a musical way. Mercy, no. That would require some kind of act of God. This is more of a coming together with my kids in a synchronized way. And now that I am becoming practiced at it I see how much it had been lacking in our lives. Nik and I have always prided ourselves on managing our lives in such a way that we were mostly home with the kids -- one of us or the other. But the trade-off to this commitment was the logistics of it all. It was exhausting.

Imagine, for instance, that Oliver was on one of his no-sleep benders. Night after night of not anything like a full night's sleep, Nik and I jockeying to see who could squeeze in an extra half-hour of sleep before the alarm clock went off. And anyway you looked at it, I would still have to be to work by 7:30, Nik by 9:00. But, as I ease out of my job, I have had the luxury of ignoring the alarm clock. When Oliver woke in the night I could let Nik sleep. Oliver, Sami and I, could stay in bed until 9:00 if we wanted to. We weren't marching to anyone's drum but our own and we were setting the tempo. And when it was a particularly difficult night, we could pile in the car and get a bagel or go to the pancake house: none of us cranky, none of us rushed. It has been Mar-ve-lous!

I'm also allowing myself, more and more, to give Oliver the gift of time. Not more of my time -- he already has most of it. But rather, processing time. Do you know how hard it is to wait for 45 seconds? 45 seconds is a ridiculously long time to wait for a response. But sometimes that is what he needs. And if I'm in too much of a hurry to get some thing or some where then I am surely losing something in the process.

Anyway, I'm just so very happy these days. Big Changes are afoot. And it is all good.

11 comments:

  1. Yes! I love this! And I am so happy for you.

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  2. So glad to hear that things are good!

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  3. I'm happpy that you are happy!

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  4. A most happy post---feels redundant to say happy new year!

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  5. P.S. I was thinking of you this morning as we rushed about trying to make the school bus on this rainy morning. I would have loved to been able to let the boys sleep in. Oh well, there is always tomorrow for that. Hope you are out eating pancakes with your two lovely boys.

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  6. You have found your rhythm indeed. Glad to hear all is well.

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  7. oh, christine! i'm so happy for you! i can't wait to read more about it.

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  8. That sounds wonderful. Not having to rush can make all the difference.

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  10. Sounds wonderful! You are really getting in the groove! I agree, 45 sec. can be a looooong time, but, having your child think for himself, and respond with his own thoughts, is worth it. Now if we could only teach this to the rest of the world:)

    Al

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  11. Chiming in late here but wanted to say how happy this made me just reading it. You sound so at ease! I am happy for you, Nik, Oliver, & Sami...you deserve the feeling of peace and caring for your family. Three cheers for you!

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