Thursday, September 26, 2013

Guest Post

I am keenly aware that I write here about my son, Oliver, and that what I write impacts his privacy. Until recently he hasn't been able to give consent and when he was much younger that didn't bother me too much. I wrote for me. Because I needed to. I would not have gotten through those early years without it. But I have always written with an eye towards privacy and I don't share everything, although I try to give an honest picture of life with our version of autism. Its a picture I'm proud of.  As Oliver gets older, though, I am more and more uncomfortable with the idea that I am sharing things about him that he may not want shared and so I have leaned more towards generalities and topics concerning my own personal growth and understanding. But still: it is mostly about Oliver.

And since Oliver started writing last year a lot more people have visited this little space.

Today I talked to him about my blog and about why I want to continue writing but with his OK. Oliver is an amazing kid and I want to tell the world about him but only with his permission. So in the future I will have a conversation with Oliver before I publish anything about him. That's as it should be. I also asked Oliver if he would like to write about his experiences and share them with people here and he wrote: "that would be great."

So today we set out to do just that. I asked him if he had any thoughts about what he'd like to write about and he said: "I think I would like your ideas." I suggested writing about either what it was like before he could communicate and how things have changed for him now or about how he experiences the water and why that is important to him.

This is what he wrote, without edits (Oliver does not capitalize but Microsoft Word does it automatically):

When I didn't know how to type life was very hard. I couldn't tell people that I understood everything. People treated me like I just didn't think but that is all I did. I wanted to tell them what was on my mind but I couldn't because the words didn't come out. I just couldn't do what people should be able to do easily.  People always asked me to do the things that were the hardest for me and I would always fail. or I wouldn'''t even try. My father was the only one who just let me do what I thought was fun. My mom didn't believe that I was stupid and she always just tried to find things that I could do. It was my mom who took me to Syracuse where I learned to type. Now I will go to school and people will see that I am just like everyone else.

13 comments:

  1. Judith7:54 AM

    Oh Oliver it is so wonderful to read what you have to say! Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. They are important and I am so happy you are able to share them now :-)

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  2. Oliver, I want you to know how happy it makes me to read your words. It sounds like you have done some very hard work, and you should be very proud of yourself. As long as I have been reading your mom's words, I have been impressed by the special beauty of the people in your family. I wish all good things for you all.


    Thank you very much for taking the time to post on this blog, and I hope we get to hear more from you in the future.

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  3. Oliver! So, so happy to read your words. Thank you for writing them and I hope you'll continue to write more. What you have to say, your experience of the world and people are important. People need to know that just because someone doesn't speak, does not mean they do not understand or have nothing to say!

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  4. Hi Oliver! You are doing such a great job typing! I love to read what you have to say. I have a son, Andrew, who is very much like you. You two met and swam in the hotel pool together. That was about 4 years ago. I hope we can meet again soon! And I hope Andrew can learn to type or write his words someday like you. Keep typing and we'll keep reading!

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  5. Hi Oliver! I'm glad you are going to let your mom keep writing because that is how we got to be friends. Do you remember meeting me and my family at a hotel in Virginia a few years ago? My sons are Henry and Tommy. Henry has autism too but he and all of us are very lucky that he doesn't have to work as hard as you do to communicate! Other things are hard for him, like he could never ride a bike the way you do!

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  6. I don't know if you remember the time we spent together, Oliver. It was a long time ago! But it was very easy to love you !(Sami too!) You have always been amazing, and I knew that you were so much more than it seemed to people who didn't know you. (Especially when you would do big brotherly things to Sami, like taking the toys he was playing with. :-p)

    I love hearing what you have to say. Thank you so much for sharing with us.

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  7. Oliver, what an amazing thing that you have found a way to express your thoughts and feelings. I am so glad to read them! We are cheering you from the sidelines! I have a son who is just learning to type and to tell me how he feels. You are our role model. Thank you for sharing with us.

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  8. Hi Oliver, I liked your guest post so much I read it several times, and I want to show it to my family. I really like the way you think and write.

    I think so many of us struggled because people always asked us to do what was hardest for us instead of letting us do things we are great at or things that are just fun. I'm glad your dad encouraged you to do things just for fun, and your mom helped you learn to type so you can express what you feel and want more easily.

    I'll be checking back often, looking for more posts from you.

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  9. Thanks everyone for your comments for Oliver. I am so touched by the amazing cheering section my boy has!!! We had a long day today -- Oliver is working hard to take the tests he will need to enroll in school this year. It is a lot for him but I will show him your comments tonight and I'm sure they will make his day as they have for me!

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  10. Oliver, I've never met you or your mom, but I have "known" both of you since 67 days after you were diagnosed with autism, when your mom wrote her first blog post. Since then, your family has come to be very, very important to me.

    It means so much to me to be able to read your words in addition to your mom's words. Thank you for sharing them with us. I'm excited to read more.

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  11. Oliver, thank you for sharing those important words with us. And thank you, too, for allowing your mom to continue telling us your story and her story, because so many of us are living similar stories ourselves. You're awesome!

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  12. Anonymous4:44 PM

    hi oliver. i love what you shared on your mom's blog. i am so happy that you will get to be at school. you sharing your experiences with the other kids you meet in middle school is so important for them to understand more about autism. i love reading whatever you have to share with us. you met me and my son, ethan at the conference in syracuse this summer and we all swam in the pool together. you are a fantastic boy and i hope we all see eachother again!!!

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  13. Oliver! I loved reading your words! It thrills me to the core that you found typing so that you can express your thoughts, experiences, feelings, memories, and more! it's a powerful thing to have a voice, something that the world needs to know is NOT the same thing as spoken words. Your voice is unique and powerful. Thank you for sharing it!!!!

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