Monday, December 19, 2005

A Different Kind of Reflection

I really need some more lines around my eyes.


I'm 36 years old and like Rod Stewart's Maggie Mae, the morning sun really shows my age. In fact I try to avoid looking in the bathroom mirror during a certain hour of the morning when the sunlight shines golden on that side of the house. Not that I'm vain or anything.

But for the past few months I have found myself pursing my lips and clenching my teeth throughout the day and evening. Sitting at my desk. Cooking dinner. In the shower. On the phone.

I need to lighten up. Taking life so seriously won't cure Oliver of autism.

Clenching my teeth won't put lines around my eyes.

Smiles that go all the way to my eyes -- the kind that Oliver and Nik and Sam have in abundance -- are what I wish for myself in the new year.

New Years Resolution #2: Get more lines around my eyes!


  1. I'll join you on that one! I could use some more smile lines too! I've been trying to see the positive of even the smallest signs of progress, but it surely isn't easy. Here's to more lines!

  2. Funny, I am 36 and so is Kristina.

    Yes, I could use some of those smile lines. It has been 17 months since we received an official diagnosis for Andrew and I have to say that it does get a lot easier to smile as time goes on, but I don't laugh enough...not as much as I should...not like I used to.

  3. On my birthday (which was Dec 10th) I made some comment too about my face has changed--thinned out, with lines.

    It's been 6 years since "autism" became a common word in our household. About 3 years ago I noted that when I got angry--because Charlie was not getting some program, the school district was full of no's, some doctor's office showed us the door really fast--I felt the face and teeth clench. And Charlie always picked up on it and he got more agigated and...downword spiral.

    It's only this year--after five years at it--that I smile, even laugh, in teh face of messes like the one he made in my bedroom (papers, paint chips, rice...). Why feel worse than I might have to?