Sunday, March 23, 2008

Lessons the hard way

I had a pretty shitty day today. Honestly, I probably deserved it after that happy, happy, sunshine and roses post from yesterday. Like Rooster's Mom always says: I should be wary of the Gods.

Oliver didn't sleep well. I didn't sleep well. I have a looming deadline for my certification and am dealing with an unexpected setback that made me feel startlingly vulnerable emotionally. The kids were needy. I was tired. Sami and Oliver were both ignoring me for different reasons. All of the progress that I saw in Oliver yesterday wasn't enough to outshine all the room for progress I saw today. Nik literally did a song and dance to try and cheer me up and I wanted to smack him for not letting me have my black, black day in peace. I just really, really wanted everyone to go away and leave me alone. I think I may have even said some version of those words out loud.

But I did consent to go to the track with my three guys for a couple of laps after dinner. We left the house and I smelled snow in the air, but Oliver had a wicked smile on his face, tempting me to chase him up the block towards the track. I gave in and felt something good and warming start to flood my body as we raced up the sidewalk. At the light we waited and when the walk sign appeared I nudged Oliver forward and then followed him at a jog across the intersection, his smile so bright and happy that I left my bad mood firmly behind. But then Oliver unexpectedly veered off the crosswalk and edged over into the lane of moving traffic. I stood, frozen. I screamed and the first car slowed and stopped just in time. But there were two lanes of traffic and I could see another car coming just as Oliver, confused now, crossed into that lane, directly into the path of the on-coming car. I screamed again, that horrible sound that you can't believe comes from your own body. And somehow, the Gods that I thought had been cursing me all day, let my boy return safely to the sidewalk.

So. Gods?


  1. O my goodness---my heart started pounding as I read this. I guess the gods hide and then spring out just when......just when. More than glad to know everyone is safe and sound.

  2. Anonymous8:08 AM

    Hang in there, Christine. I'm pretty sure you are allowed to have a bad day now and again, most especially when the good days are SO good.

    Glad to hear everyone is safe, and yes, that alone is something to be thankful for.

  3. Whoa.

    Reading these last 2 posts at once is quite a ride.

    I'd like to give you and Oliver both a squeeze. I'm so glad he's ok. You won't lose that adrenaline for awhile!

    As for the previous post- great news about the communication! I knew it would come and it will just keep getting better.

  4. Here's to shit, and sunshine... they are both fair weather friends. I am soooo glad Oliver is okay.


  5. Oh jeeze! Give him a big squeeze for us all.

    we all have those down days. I know it helps to focus on the good ones, but easier said than done. I know I am always happy to read a post like your last one. "I want a bagel". So awesome!!!

  6. OMFG! (Sorry to swear here!) Christine, my heart stopped for a moment; I cannot imagine what you felt in that split second of uncertainty.

    I want to come over and bringyou wine or cookies or something soothing and comforting to let you know it will be ok. But I can't. All I can do is sit here and send my tears of relief and my love through the rther to you. HUGS.

  7. Oh, I'm so glad he was okay. And it's definitely normal -- expected even! -- to have those bad days. Loved reading the next post and seeing all those words. Terrific.

  8. Hey, hey, hey... I hate thinking I poisoned you against any Gods. These deities that plague me really are very specific to me, and they are more like personal bad energies that are probably all my fault, and they absolutely do not even know your address. No, good forces are at work for you, I know it. I do believe in the good forces, and they were there to keep your son safe during the scary moments. They are bringing your family new joys soon. I am SO glad things turned out okay. You have more good days coming, and you will not have to pay any price for them, I swear. Hang in there. Your blogs give me so much inspiration and hope.