I had a pretty shitty day today. Honestly, I probably deserved it after that happy, happy, sunshine and roses post from yesterday. Like Rooster's Mom always says: I should be wary of the Gods.
Oliver didn't sleep well. I didn't sleep well. I have a looming deadline for my certification and am dealing with an unexpected setback that made me feel startlingly vulnerable emotionally. The kids were needy. I was tired. Sami and Oliver were both ignoring me for different reasons. All of the progress that I saw in Oliver yesterday wasn't enough to outshine all the room for progress I saw today. Nik literally did a song and dance to try and cheer me up and I wanted to smack him for not letting me have my black, black day in peace. I just really, really wanted everyone to go away and leave me alone. I think I may have even said some version of those words out loud.
But I did consent to go to the track with my three guys for a couple of laps after dinner. We left the house and I smelled snow in the air, but Oliver had a wicked smile on his face, tempting me to chase him up the block towards the track. I gave in and felt something good and warming start to flood my body as we raced up the sidewalk. At the light we waited and when the walk sign appeared I nudged Oliver forward and then followed him at a jog across the intersection, his smile so bright and happy that I left my bad mood firmly behind. But then Oliver unexpectedly veered off the crosswalk and edged over into the lane of moving traffic. I stood, frozen. I screamed and the first car slowed and stopped just in time. But there were two lanes of traffic and I could see another car coming just as Oliver, confused now, crossed into that lane, directly into the path of the on-coming car. I screamed again, that horrible sound that you can't believe comes from your own body. And somehow, the Gods that I thought had been cursing me all day, let my boy return safely to the sidewalk.